Hello again from the world’s worst blogger.
I’ve had a festering writer’s block this year, only finishing up two fiction pieces I started at the end of last year and pulling out an old memoir piece called Jagged Little Summer, which was one of the final works I completed in college. As all old work does, I had a palpable physical reaction upon revisiting it that was akin to a fight-or-flight adrenalin dump—intense aversion. I hated it and knew it was all wrong. This piece is a memoir, and there were places I didn’t want to go with it, things I resisted reveal.
So first I rehashed it vigorously. I worked it and reworked it for at least the past six weeks. I kept revisiting it and tweaking a word here, a phrase there. It slowly got leaner, then longer, then better, but still it needed some stitching up, it needed a little more flight. Finally, frustrated, I made myself leave it for a while. If I stared at it for more than about 15 minutes, I closed the document and did something else.
I’ve had a festering writer’s block this year, only finishing up two fiction pieces I started at the end of last year and pulling out an old memoir piece called Jagged Little Summer, which was one of the final works I completed in college. As all old work does, I had a palpable physical reaction upon revisiting it that was akin to a fight-or-flight adrenalin dump—intense aversion. I hated it and knew it was all wrong. This piece is a memoir, and there were places I didn’t want to go with it, things I resisted reveal.
So first I rehashed it vigorously. I worked it and reworked it for at least the past six weeks. I kept revisiting it and tweaking a word here, a phrase there. It slowly got leaner, then longer, then better, but still it needed some stitching up, it needed a little more flight. Finally, frustrated, I made myself leave it for a while. If I stared at it for more than about 15 minutes, I closed the document and did something else.
Last week, I was solicited to submit something to The Pinch, where a LinkedIn connection serves on the advisory board. I now had a deadline. The piece still didn’t feel right. I sat and thought about my fears of diving emotionally into the piece and remembered something I’d read in M.E. Cunningham’s article, “Rethinking Restriction: Creative Limitation as a Positive Force” from the January/February issue of Poets & Writers: “Pushing through resistance, our ideas get toned up, driven to evolve into something better, more creative, and more robust, somewhat in the way a body grows immune to disease by low-level exposure to it. The final execution of ideas may altogether outshine our original concepts. What’s more, we may find that the whole process of germination, resistance, and achievement has taken us to new personal and creative heights.” This made me think about how difficult it can be to finish a creative work when you need your soul to bleed in order to do so, and how restrictions (like a deadline) can maybe assist the process--like a therapy appointment you'll have to pay for even if you miss it!
I read the piece into a microphone, then listened back to it. Recalling the time and events of the story and worrying about the deadline simultaneously, I felt my soul begin to bleed a little. I realized what I’d resisted saying in the piece—that I had reached a place of forgiveness but I was still infinitely sad. With that in mind, I wrote a beautiful ending and sent the piece off to The Pinch and a couple of other top-notch spots.
The element of a deadline, self-imposed or otherwise might not always work, but if you find that you are stuck, maybe a little pressure can help.
I read the piece into a microphone, then listened back to it. Recalling the time and events of the story and worrying about the deadline simultaneously, I felt my soul begin to bleed a little. I realized what I’d resisted saying in the piece—that I had reached a place of forgiveness but I was still infinitely sad. With that in mind, I wrote a beautiful ending and sent the piece off to The Pinch and a couple of other top-notch spots.
The element of a deadline, self-imposed or otherwise might not always work, but if you find that you are stuck, maybe a little pressure can help.
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